Thanksgiving Chronicles Day 1: My BE-ing

‘For in Him I live and move and have my BE-ing’ (Acts 17:28)

My transition over the years from the very shy and stuttering girl on the left to this bold, outspoken and confident woman on the right never ceases to amaze me. 

For whatever reason, I just could not like myself. I grew up in a loving family, our parents put us first and gave us the best of everything but these voices in my head never stopped telling me I was not good enough. You're thin, you cannot talk smoothly, you are too tall, you are too this, you are too that, you are not this, you are not that! These thoughts went with me into teenage and despite being very bright academically these voices got louder and louder in my head until my late teen. 

In 1998, I remember coming back home from polytechnic during my OND days and having this conversation with my mum. Days before, a couple of petite but mouthy friends had laughed at me in school again and told me I looked horribly thin & tall.

Mummy, I don't like myself, I always knew I was too tall and too thin but now it's getting worse, I am becoming the laughing stock of my peers. I remember looking at Mum and seeing a mixture of shock, anger, surprise at the same time.

Who said so? Who says you're too tall or too thin? Who says you are not good enough! Get your shoes now we are going out!

Off we went to Mrs Fadipe's boutique. At the boutique, Mum asked for every heely shoe to be brought out and when they brought them, she asked if there was a higher one. We ended up with the heel sandals I have on in the middle photo above. It's a shame the grass is obscuring the heels. Try this she said. No! I am never getting into that! Didn't you hear what I said? I am too thin and tall and my friends are laughing at me. Why would I ever want that shoe? Mum insisted and I knew we were going nowhere until I did as I was told so I reluctantly put my legs in this shoe. While I thought I looked like a pole, everyone in the shop went 'Wow this really suits you'. 

My Mum looked me straight in the eye and said: Daughter, if anyone ever says you are too tall, tell them they are the ones who are too short; if they say you are too thin, tell them they are the ones who are too fat. You are going to go back to school in this shoe and show those girls you are the elegant one of them and from now on, don't make friends or associate yourself with anyone that brings you down with their words. Real friends build you up and not bring you down! 

I struggled to hold my tears back but this was a breakthrough in my life. Although this middle picture was taken about 2 years later, it is the only one I have with this shoe on and reminds of when I started to build my self-esteem.

I started this journey gradually building my self-esteem based on what my mother kept saying to me until one day at age 19-20, I stumbled on Isaiah 62 vs 2-4, it said

...and you shall be called by a new name

    which the mouth of the Lord will give.

3 

You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,

    and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.

4 

You shall no more be termed Forsaken,[a]

    and your land shall no more be termed Desolate; [b]

but you shall be called Hephzibah (My delight is in her),[c]

    and your land Beulah (Married); [d]

for the Lord delights in you,

    and your land shall be married.

Boom! This is what I needed to hear all along. A new sense of meaning, my real identity, my confidence. It's all in God! I found it in God. This verses struck me down to the core of my being and raised a level of excitement like never before inside me. I remember striking Yemi out on the cover of my Bible and replacing it with Hephzibah! The new me was born. I found myself in my maker. He loves me and He delights in me.

Thank you Father for being my confidence!